Old Teeth

New Teeth

Yes, Yes i realise the quality of my jpegs is shit.

well. i just got a spam email for penis enlargement with the words

“spartan hole puncher”

random or not? you decide.

(if you’ve ever played UT, consider that title as being in the “killing spree” voice. - if you’ve never played UT, consider your legs slapped)

any way - I’m now the proud owner of a 3m brooza11, just like this apart from its red, not yellow.

i plan to get 3 weeks on the kite then either go for a buggy or a board - I did want the board, but since speeds of 30 miles an hour are apparently attainable, I’m now tempted for something a little more sturdy - votes please

potato’s in disguise…

damn you photobox, damn you.

its not even like its a very good picture.

now i realise that’s a hell of a title, but to be fair seeing a pair of balls that aren’t attached to your own body can be a little bit disturbing, don’t get me wrong I’ve seen any number of “art films”, so i’m aware that pretty much all men have em. its just that when they come out of the blue at you it can be a bit of a shock, but still - i know something that’s far worse.

Our story starts last night, I was just getting down to some work for the evening, when i got a call from the mother in law, the wifes younger brother had been in a car crash and the police needed some one to go to the hospital straight away… could i pick them up and take them? (oh and could i let the wife know what was happening - nice conversation that was… “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T KNOW HOW BAD IT IS?”) Any way 47 seconds later we’re pulling into the car park at Weston A&E, a quick jog down some corridors and we found the bro in law firmly strapped to a board, waiting to get xrayed.

For two hours I stood by his bed, they came and took him away and xrayed him, and an hour later we were still waiting for the results. In all that time he didn’t move his feet once, now obviously you cant draw attention to the fact that some one with suspected spinal injuries isn’t moving there feet - i mean who am I to voice an opinion - about the only medical training i have is a bit of gynaecology from the previously mention art films - however you also cant stop your self looking, and as you’ll realise, in 3 hours of standing around some one is likely to spot you paying an above average amount of attention to your brother in laws naked feet - that’s not the kind of rumour you want to get started.

So I went for a walk, with hind site, i should have stayed where i was, (the following events have been slowed down (a bit like bullet time in the matrix) so that you can share the full horror.

As i was walk out to wards the front doors a random nurse/porter type person comes out of a room to my left.

The bed they’re pushing catches the door and makes a loud clang.

I hear the noise and instinctively turn my head to look (IT’S INSTINCT GOD DAMN IT)

I see a nurse, and to her left in the room behind her is a reclined man who’s just has his trousers removed lying legs spread.

I SEE HIS GOD DAMN BALLS.

the nurse sees me looking at his balls.

I hurriedly try to divert my gaze.

I make eye contact with the man who’s balls I’ve been looking at.

He’ knows i’ve seen his balls.

I know he knows i’ve seen his balls.

The nurse knows it, and now she sees what seems like an hour’s worth of eye contact between us.

I splutter something (possibly i wave slightly - my brain shuts down at this point) and leg it towards the front doors.

After a reasonable amount of time, how long can you leave a door open, i have to walk back down to the ward, it’s almost midnight so there is no way i can wear sunglasses. but i think i do a reasonable job of acting notchalant as i casually make sure the door is in fact closed as i near it, thank fully it is, and i make it back to the brother in laws bedside where his folks are still waiting for xray results.

Can you guess who’s in the bed opposite him?

For the next hour i kept my back firmly towards balls out man - even to the point of walking backwards when asked to pass things the the mother in law. I’d like to think he understood… we all know the only thing worse than seeing his balls, is the mutual knowledge that i saw em.

Oh, and for those of you who care, an eternity later a doctor arrives, xrays in hand. Now in all this time, the brother in law still hasn’t moved his feet. so when the doctor starts doing the chat, “can you feel this” , “does it hurt there” i’m ready for the worst… Can you lift your left leg” he asks? and like a fucking ballet dancer he lifts it right up in the air… 20 minutes later he’s been off for a CAT scan and come back again all he’s got is suspected whiplash or summat,

“Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo” is a grammatically correct sentence used as an example of how homonyms and homophones can be used to create complicated constructs. It has been known to exist since 1972 when the sentence was used by William J. Rapaport, currently an associate professor at the University at Buffalo.[1] It was posted to Linguist List by Rapaport in 1992.[2] It was also featured in Steven Pinker’s 1994 book The Language Instinct. Sentences of this type, although not in such a refined form, have been known for a long time. A classic example is the proverb “Don’t trouble trouble until trouble troubles you”.

I can get my brain to parse it it, just, but then some one speaks to me and it goes again.

okay, this is all getting slightly real now. its now officially TOMORROW.

you think id be more relaxed about it third time round, but shit no. i SOOOOOO EXCITED.

need a reason to put them in therapy? simple - just take em to see Bridge to Terabithia ,

Christ I’m 34 and I’m crying just thinking about it. man that was unexpected.

in other news we also so Mr Beans Holiday today - i almost got thrown out of the cinema for laughing so hard (yes yes i know laughing at MR. bean isn’t cool, but hey its impossible not to)

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/05/18/belgian_election_campaign/

I just hope gorden brown dosnt get any ideas ;p)

feel like saving some water, and some money at the same time? you could do worse than visit this site them.

http://www.savewatersavemoney.co.uk

(consider my new site officially pimped ;-)  though i am moderatly pleased with the CSS nav on the left- even if the wiggle does only work in Fire fox.

May the forth be with you.

Man, that never gets old

D

I love camping me, there’s nothing better than 5 days in a muddy field, but
you know how it is - you go to Glastonbury, get a bit munted and miss half
the bands you really wanted to see.

Fortunately lidl have the answer - they got a load of camping stuff in,
which is where I found this baby. The Portable Digital Satellite TV
Receiver. Now you can get wankered on special brew and special k, and still
catch the highlights on BB3 when you finally find your tent again.

Aint she pretty, aint she…

On site with a client today in a large print on demand shop (I know, you’re
already wondering how this can possibly lead to a best job in the world
anecdote - bear with me)

One of the things they manage is making it possible to send a photo from
your phone with an accompanying message and address and have it
automagically turned into a post card and sent on to who ever you nominate.

As you’ll probably guess, when your handling a few thousand messages a day,
the odd one or two dozen are not going to be suitable, for some reason it’s
illegal to send porn through the post - especially when its printed in HI
DEF colour on the front of a post card,

Consequently my new found hero is employed to sit and check each image for
suitability before it goes to press. Its one of those jobs where you really
never know what you’re going to be looking at next, admittedly, yes I saw
seven cracking pairs of breasts[1] in less than an hour[2], but more than
that its like seeing a rapid procession of random blog and flickr posts, and
getting insight into a thousand lives.

[1] one of which was accompanied by the message "lots of love, mum and dad
- you wouldn’t want to pop round there for dinner would you.

[2] and no I haven’t mentioned that part of my day to the wife

Frankly I’m far too busy,

Then matt
<http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2007/04/carter-usm-hitting-uk-one-more-time.ht
ml> went and ruined it all.

See you down the front eh

you tube link



it’s like “sunscreen” but with a better beat

http://www.bloodforthebaron.com/

My first brand spanky new, built-it-all-my-self website has just gone live.

http://www.contractoralliance.co.uk

Okay, it’s not the dogs bollocks to look at, but technically, it’s all that
and more.

Lets get a bit woo yay for paying clients.

D

who says james may is the slow one?

As the grand finale of 1.0s birthday bash, today we went to see (and I
quote) ” the most fantasamgorical stage musical in the history of everything
” actually it really was almost that good. I was particularly impressed with
Gary Wilmot, mainly because I’ve always found him to be a bit of an annoying
twat until now, the thing is I don’t actually know why that is - I cant
recall any single thing he’s in.

Shame about the website ;-( http://www.chittythemusical.co.uk FRAMES DAMN
YOU.

I don’t mind the "take me to your leader" bit, it’s the "show me more of
this earth thing called kissing" that’s got me worried - a seven year old
shouldn’t know that stuff.

D